Thursday, November 30, 2006


It will eventually be clean and organized...won't it?

Sometimes I wonder.

What is currently holding me back? A complex web of intersecting reasons.

For example:

1. Lack of time at home. It's all I can do to maintain what I've already accomplished and add a bit of clearing here and there (minor stuff that doesn't make a big visual impact and therefore feels like not much has been done). When I am home and don't have to rush back out (extremely rare) I'm so exhausted it's all I can do to nuke some soup for dinner and take a shower and set my clothes out for the next day. I typically try to clear or clean a little on these nights anyway--I do laundry, or clear one surface or unpack a bag that's been sitting around.

2. Feeling like I'm going to move anyway, up to T's, at some point next year, so why bother making it nice when I'll just have to leave? This isn't something I consciously think about, but I'm pretty sure it informs my actions.

3. Not knowing how to proceed, or ending up with decisions that aren't right and are a pain. I finally decide that maybe I don't need my toolbox at home. But then I need it (to wit: I had to put a car battery in yesterday and it's a good thing I had a wrench and some needle nosed pliers). Some of the tools are already up at T's so it's not like I have a whole Craftsman cart sitting on the bedroom floor.

4. Things keep coming in. There always seems to be some big box of filing or other crap K. finds and wants me to come get. Sometimes it's junk, but mostly it's either papers I need to keep or a mix of junk and necessary stuff, or a mix of our stuff (her old pay stubs etc) which means I have to go through it all carefully.

5. The up-and-back of items. I will sometimes bring things up to T's and decide they can live there for now. But then I need one (like my computer) so I lug it back down and it sits on my floor.

6. The up-and-back of me. Going away to T's most weekends and traveling for business once a month means I am always partially packed. I try not to be, but often I will get unpacked 1 day before I need to drag back out the big suitcase (which is a major pain to put in the back of the closet--the only place it fits.

7. Not knowing how to effectively fit everything I need in the space I have. I have limited space and each storage option seems to take up a lot of room.

First of all, cut yourself some slack. Second of all, it's never done, just like laundry, cooking and showers it needs redoing on a regular basis. It's part of the process of being here consciously.
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