Monday, February 27, 2006


Cleaning tips for folks like us!

Handy Cleaning Tips:

Dirt - Layers of dirty film on windows and screens provide
a helpful filter against harmful and aging rays from the sun.
Call it an SPF factor of 15 and leave it alone.

Cobwebs - Artfully draped over lampshades reduce the glare
from the bulb, thereby creating a romantic atmosphere. If
someone points out that the light fixtures need dusting,
simply look confused and exclaim "What? And spoil the
mood?" (Or just throw glitter on them & call them holiday

Pet Hair - Explain the mound of pet hair brushed up against
the doorways by claiming you are collecting it there to use for
stuffing hand-sewn play animals for underprivileged
children. (Also keeps out cold drafts in winter.)

Guests - If unexpected company is coming, pile everything
unsightly into one room and close the door. As you show
your guests through your tidy home, rattle the door knob
vigorously, fake a growl and say, "I'd love you to see our
den, but Fluffy hates to be disturbed and the shots are SO

Dusting - If dusting is REALLY out of control, simply place
a showy urn on the coffee table and insist that "This is
where Grandma wanted us to scatter her ashes."

General Cleaning - Mix one-quarter cup pine-scented
household cleaner with four cups of water in a spray
bottle. Mist the air lightly. Leave dampened rags in
conspicuous locations. Develop an exhausted look, throw
yourself on the couch and sigh, "I clean and I clean and I
still don't get anywhere." As a last resort, light the
oven, throw a teaspoon of cinnamon in a pie pan, turn off
oven and explain that you have been baking cookies for a
bake sale for a favorite charity and haven't had time to
clean... Works every time.

Another favorite, I think from Erma Bombeck:
Always keep several get well cards on the mantle so if
unexpected guests arrive, you can say you've been sick and
unable to clean.

This had me and TGF laughing. Loved the one about grandma's ashes. Sick but so funny.
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