declutterbug

Handy Cleaning Tips:

Dirt - Layers of dirty film on windows and screens provide
a helpful filter against harmful and aging rays from the sun.
Call it an SPF factor of 15 and leave it alone.

Cobwebs - Artfully draped over lampshades reduce the glare
from the bulb, thereby creating a romantic atmosphere. If
someone points out that the light fixtures need dusting,
simply look confused and exclaim "What? And spoil the
mood?" (Or just throw glitter on them & call them holiday
decorations.)

Pet Hair - Explain the mound of pet hair brushed up against
the doorways by claiming you are collecting it there to use for
stuffing hand-sewn play animals for underprivileged
children. (Also keeps out cold drafts in winter.)

Guests - If unexpected company is coming, pile everything
unsightly into one room and close the door. As you show
your guests through your tidy home, rattle the door knob
vigorously, fake a growl and say, "I'd love you to see our
den, but Fluffy hates to be disturbed and the shots are SO
expensive."

Dusting - If dusting is REALLY out of control, simply place
a showy urn on the coffee table and insist that "This is
where Grandma wanted us to scatter her ashes."

General Cleaning - Mix one-quarter cup pine-scented
household cleaner with four cups of water in a spray
bottle. Mist the air lightly. Leave dampened rags in
conspicuous locations. Develop an exhausted look, throw
yourself on the couch and sigh, "I clean and I clean and I
still don't get anywhere." As a last resort, light the
oven, throw a teaspoon of cinnamon in a pie pan, turn off
oven and explain that you have been baking cookies for a
bake sale for a favorite charity and haven't had time to
clean... Works every time.

Another favorite, I think from Erma Bombeck:
Always keep several get well cards on the mantle so if
unexpected guests arrive, you can say you've been sick and
unable to clean.